October 15th

I would have posted this yesterday but our modem died..

October 15th is a day around the world that people light a candle and remember babies that were taken to soon, whether it was by miscarriage, still birth, or infant death.

I lit three candles yesterday.

One for my amazing Gabriella who 9 months ago went to Heaven. I don't know why she had to go but I know that someday we will hold her and it won't have to make sense. I still cry myself to sleep most night because I miss her so much.

Number two for a baby we only knew about for a few days, baby July.

And number three for my brother and sisters that are waiting for me in Heaven.

I was once told that it would get easier. It doesn't. But you learn to coup. You learn that the world keeps turning and you can choose to stay at home and cry your days away or you can put on a brave face and go with the turning.

My husband has been amazing through all this and I can not imagine anyone helping me like he has.

I want to say that I've leaned on God this whole time, I haven't but He has held me through it all. I got so angry with Him but I know in my heart that He allowed it to happen for a reason.

Before I formed you in your mothers womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.

Jer 1:5